In what reads like something out of a B-rated horror movie, a family in Portland, Oregon had to call 911 after their 22-pound Himalayan cat attacked their 7-month old baby and forced the family into hiding.
When a financial institution asks me my “mother’s maiden name” as a security question. Because it’s assumed that I have at least one and no more than one mother in my life AND that she married AND that she gave up her own name AND that that part of her identity was erased enough from my public history so as to be a password to access my private information.
To the women who choose not to have kids, I have one thing to say: thank you.
You probably don’t hear it enough. In fact, you probably don’t hear it at all. What you do hear is an array of pro-childbearing responses, such as, “You’ll change your mind someday,” or, “Doesn’t your mother want grandkids?” or, “You’ll never find a husband if you never want to have kids.”
All things considered, “thank you” is probably on the opposite end of what you hear.
But seriously: thank you. Thank you for recognizing that childrearing isn’t for you and being true to who you are. It doesn’t mean you hate kids. It just means that raising one is not part of your path in life.
Thank you for not succumbing to the societal pressures. I’ve known far too many parents who had kids because that’s what was expected of them. Working in childcare, you see more of this type than you wish to see. The resentment is almost palpable. They love their children — at least, they have no choice but to love their children — but every single movement seems to scream, “I wasn’t meant for this.” I’ve known too many people who grew up with at least one parent who harbored that resentment, who let that resentment dictate how they parented. I’ve seen how that influenced the way these former children are now as adults, or even as parents themselves.
Thank you for not trying to compromise who you are in an effort to keep a partner around. Thank you for being honest and open and refusing to apologize for who you are. Everyone has different values. Everyone wants something different in life. It takes a lot of guts and confidence to say, “This is what I want in life. It’s not the orthodox way, but it’s my way.”
Thank you for not trying to silence that feeling in your gut as a means to validate your life. There are too many people in this world who cannot figure out their path — or have stumbled while walking down said path — and decided that maybe having a child could provide that meaning and definition instead. You understand that down this path lies vicarious living and hurt emotions and you recognize that there are so many other ways to find love and meaning and joy in your life.
Raising children is a difficult, onerous, frustrating, and disappointing gig. It’s tough enough for those who want it. It is a rewarding and loving gig as well, but it’s not something one should go into while focusing only on reward and love and societal acceptance. In this day and age, with a booming population in almost every country, it makes no sense to pressure every person to have a baby. But we’re sticklers to tradition, ritualistic to a fault.
So thank you. It’s not easy to stand firm with your belief. Honestly, truly, and genuinely: thank you. written by Michael Koh for Thought Catalog
Not just for the women, I know a lof of people get crap for not wanting to ever have a child.
A man is 631 times more likely to become an NFL player than to be falsely accused of rape.
"We end on a serious note. Because 1 in 33 men will be raped in his lifetime, men are 82,000x more likely to be raped than falsely accused of rape. It seems many of us would do well to pay more attention to how rape culture affects us all than be paranoid about false accusers.”
I really want to be excited about Godzilla 2014 but all the human characters seem so boring and white except for Ken Watanabe and even him I feel is conceived as hollywood’s ‘safe japanese actor’, you know? Pacific Rim spoiled me for multicultural, global kaiju movies.
Cause not only are white people evil, but we are boring too.
I don’t think I implied ‘evil’ in my post, but more what I meant was that, like Pacific Rim, Godzilla 2014 takes place all over the world, in the trailer we see what is speculated to be Las Vegas, a Pacific Island, Tokyo, and San Francisco, but for that last one it seems like it might be another Kaiju in that location, possibly Rodan? My point is, like Pacific Rim, this is a movie that has events affecting the whole world, and while Pacific Rim had a cast that reflected that, the cast for Godzilla 2014 is overwhelmingly white for a movie on a global scale. Now, I’m not saying the story doesn’t justify this, since we know that for the movie we’re largely following a single family, Bryan Cranston and his son and the son’s family, so it makes sense that they would be cast in a way that makes it more plausible for them to be related to eachother, and Pacific Rim, by contrast, follows an international paramilitary organization. But the movie didn’t have to be written like that, and since I don’t think we’d be seeing Godzilla 2014 without Pacific Rim having paved the way for a modern kaiju movie, I wish this had been an element to be carried over. I’m also a little worried that the director isn’t particularly interested in paying much tribute to the older Godzilla movies, since he has said that this movie takes place in a universe where the other movies were made in response to sightings of Godzilla, which sinks any chance of this Godzilla being in continuity with the others. Tied to this is the problem of taking one of Japan’s most important cultural icons and transplanting him to America for the sake of the movie, instead of setting the whole movie in the Pacific Islands that the Godzilla movies have always inhabited, with the exception of the other American Godzilla movie.
Slowly I began to understand fully that there was no place in academe for folks from working-class backgrounds who did not wish to leave the past behind. That was the price of the ticket. Poor students would be welcome at the best institutions of higher learning only if they were willing to surrender memory, to forget the past and claim the assimilated present as the only worthwhile and meaningful reality.
Students from nonprivileged backgrounds who did not want to forget often had nervous breakdowns. They could not bear the weight of all the contradictions they had to confront. They were crushed. More often than not they dropped out with no trace of their inner anguish recorded, no institutional record of the myriad ways their take on the world was assaulted by an elite vision of class and privilege. The records merely indicated that even after receiving financial aid and other support, these students simply could not make it, simply were not good enough.
At no time in my years as a student did I march in a graduation ceremony. I was not proud to hold degrees from institutions where I had been constantly scorned and shamed. I wanted to forget these experiences, to erase them from my consciousness. Like a prisoner set free, I did not want to remember my years on the inside.
”—bell hooks, where we stand: class matters, “Coming to Class Consciousness” (via riseabovethemadness)
Um, hello. I just wanted to tell you that i loved The Chaos of Stars. It was wonderfully written and perfectly paced, and obviously dear to you. I loved your characters, especially Isadora and Tyler! (I also admit to swooning over Ry several times) :P but they were so colorful and relatable, even with their...unusual family situation. I think it tops the list of the books i enjoyed reading most, because it flowed so smoothly. Probably my favorite part was when Isa was presenting the exhibit. <3
And my favorite part of today is you.
Thank you!! I love that you enjoyed that part of the book. It was one of my favorites to write. And also part of why I love mythology so much—we use stories to explain who we’ve been, which helps us decide who we are going to be.